It Already Happened...

When Jackson’s fiancé called off their wedding one week before the big day —after everything had been planned, paid for, and announced— his dad said something most people wouldn’t think to say:

“It’s already happened.”

Not, “This is awful.”

Not, “How could she do this?”

Just… it’s already happened.

Yes, he was hurt. Yes, he was embarrassed. (The pastor had literally pointed him out in front of the entire church.)

But the event itself? Over.

And all the pain he was feeling in that moment was coming from something in the past.

That could feel harsh coming from the wrong person.

But coming from his dad, Jackson said it gave him energy.

Almost like…oh… I don’t have to stay here.

And then his dad did something even more powerful.

He didn’t keep talking.

He just showed up.

Wherever Jackson was sitting, his dad would quietly come sit next to him. No speeches. No fixing. Just presence.

His mom took a completely different approach.

What I call Mama Love.

She reminded him, “You are my son. We love you.”

Simple. Grounding. Unshakable.

And then there was his cousin Eric.

Eric didn’t sit and he didn’t talk.

He got Jackson on the back of a motorcycle and taught him how to ride.

Out on dirt roads. In the fresh air. Fully present.

Jackson described it as feeling like freedom.

And peace.

Three completely different ways to love someone:

Sit with them.
Remind them who they are.
Or pull them back into life.

Listening to this, I had a bit of an “oh…” moment.

Because when someone I love is hurting, I tend to go straight to:

“I love you… and let’s think about what’s next.”

I mean… I love the future.

But I’ve noticed something.

Sometimes people aren’t ready to go there.

And me trying to take them there?
It doesn’t help. It actually pushes them away.

So I’m expanding my toolkit.

I’m going to try being the person who just sits next to them.
No fixing. No future. Just… being there.

Maybe a simple text: “Thinking about you.”
Maybe a call where I actually listen instead of redirect.

And I love Eric’s approach too.

Getting someone out of their environment and into something that requires their attention.

A hike where you’re watching your footing on the rocks.
A musical where you get swept up in the story.

(For puzzle lovers, maybe that too… although I recently did my first puzzle in 20 years and I can confidently say I’m good for another 20 😄)

But here’s the part I think I’ll use the most.

Not with others.

With myself.

“It already happened.”

How often do we replay something painful?

Something we said.
Something someone else did.
Something we wish had gone differently.

And we sit there… feeling it all over again.

Even though it’s over.

I’m going to start catching myself in those moments.

Gently reminding myself:

It already happened.

And I’m not the first person to feel this way.

And then — this is the part I’m really working on — I’ll try to come back to right now.

What can I see?
What can I hear?
What can I feel?

Even if I only stay there for a minute before my brain runs off again… I’ll take it as a win.

What is your go-to when someone you love is hurting?

Do you try to fix it?
Sit with them?
Distract them?

And did Jackson’s story give you a new way to show up?

Let me know, I love hearing from you.

With love,
Ariel