In this episode of Unexpected Happiness, Ariel talks with Lisa about growing up in a home filled with domestic violence and losing her mother at the hands of her father.

Lisa shares how those experiences followed her into adulthood through anger, alcohol, and choices she would later have to face honestly. Her path toward healing was not quick or tidy. It required looking at parts of herself she did not want to see, taking responsibility for her own actions, and eventually finding what she calls spaciousness around the seemingly unforgivable.

Along the way, Lisa discovered she did not have to be completely ready to change. At one point, she describes herself as 49% belligerent and 51% willing. That tiny difference was enough to keep moving forward.

Listen to this episode if you want to:

• Understand how experiences from our past can continue shaping us in ways we may not recognize.

• Explore a different way of thinking about forgiveness without excusing what happened.

• Learn why taking responsibility for your own choices can be part of reclaiming your power.

• Discover why you do not have to feel completely ready to begin changing.

• Consider how even our deepest wounds can become doorways to something we never expected.

Chapters

00:00 Trailer
00:53 Growing Up with Violence
03:04 Protecting Her Mom
03:56 The Shortest, Longest Drive
07:39 Calling the Police
08:48 “Why Doesn’t She Just Leave?”
09:51 Anger, Rage, and Power
11:19 Becoming a Teenage Alcoholic
12:39 Writing the Book She Needed
14:34 Learning What Happened
15:32 When Leaving Is Most Dangerous
17:57 The Messy Path to Healing
20:12 Rage and Unhealed Trauma
24:24 The Truth Years Later
26:38 Seeing Herself Clearly
27:21 Emotional Archaeology
32:03 Seeing More Than the Murderer
34:02 Wounds Are Doorways
36:34 The Teacher of Forgiveness
36:57 Endings and Beginnings

Resources

To learn more about Lisa Fierer, visit her website.

For information and support related to domestic violence, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline, or call 800.799.SAFE (7233).

Learn more about Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence (SPAN), a Boulder-area nonprofit supporting people experiencing domestic violence

Book: Thirst by Lisa Fierer

*Disclosure: Some links on this page are affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission if you choose to purchase through them, at no additional cost to you.