Then 12 women answered

So I’m writing a book.

That still feels strange to say out loud.

Not because I don’t think I can write it. The writing so far is the easy part.

The scarier question is:

Am I writing for a real woman?

Or am I writing for some younger version of myself I made up in my head?

In my book writing workshop, one of the first things we learned is that a book is for someone, not about something.

I thought I was writing for Ariel of 10 or 20 years ago.

The one who hadn’t let go of her lawyer ways.

The one who thought she had to be everything for everyone.

The one who believed that if she didn’t hold everything together, it all might fall apart.

The one who looked successful from the outside but didn’t feel nearly as happy as she thought she should.

I know her very well.

The problem was, I didn’t know if she was real for anyone else.

My editor suggested I create a short survey and ask high-achieving women who, despite their success, don’t feel as content or satisfied as they would like to be, to answer a few questions in their own words.

By the next morning, thanks to my team, we had a SurveyMonkey.

I was afraid no one would answer.

Then 12 women answered in two days.

And they reminded me that she is very real.

By the end of the week, 25 women had responded.

I expected the answers to be useful.

I did not expect them to break my heart open.

These women were so honest.

So raw.

I won’t share anyone’s exact words because they trusted me with them.

But the themes were unmistakable.

Women described feeling like they are always on.

They worry that when they focus on work, their families suffer.

When they focus on their families, they worry their work suffers.

And when they try to take care of themselves, they feel guilty about that too.

Which gets even more confusing because they also feel guilty when they don’t take care of themselves.

I still haven’t figured out this whole ‘rest’ thing.

They talked about wanting to be present, but feeling pulled in too many directions.

Wanting to be healthy, but not having the time or energy to keep up the routines that would help.

Wanting to lead, serve, earn, support, parent, care, contribute, and somehow also be calm while doing it.

Which is a ridiculous assignment.

And these were not one-off comments.

In a pretty small sample size, the same themes kept showing up again and again.

Too much in my head.

Not enough time.

Never fully present.

Always choosing which thing to disappoint.

I read these responses and felt like I had been transported back into a version of myself I remember so clearly.

The woman sitting at the kitchen table with scratch paper everywhere, trying to plan her way into safety.

Never a clean sheet of paper, of course.

Always the back of an old bill, a recipe, or some random insurance advertisement, because apparently even my anxiety needed to be environmentally responsible.

The woman answering emails late at night, not because anyone was making her, but because she couldn’t figure out how to stop.

The woman who loved her work and her family, but secretly wondered why the life she built didn’t feel better to live inside.

I know this woman because I was this woman.

And now real women are trusting me with the truth that they are still in it.

It feels like a sacred responsibility.

So this is where I’m starting:

I am writing for successful high achieving women who just want to be able to take a breath without feeling guilty, but they have way too much on their plate to believe that’s possible, and may not realize that simple micro habits and practices can make a difference, even if their to-do list doesn’t change.

That is the sentence I am testing.

Does it sound like you?

Does it sound like someone you used to be?

Does it sound like a woman you love?

If you are a woman reading this and something in that sentence feels familiar, will you hit reply and tell me what lands and what doesn’t?

And if you are a man reading this, will you share it with a successful, high-achieving woman in your life and ask her if it means anything to her?

I want to write something that makes the woman I’m writing for feel understood.

And I want to use words she would actually use about her own life.

So here begins the writing journey.

I have been her.

I am not fully her anymore.

And I think I can help.

With love,

Ariel