We Are the Vortex!

Thirteen smart, successful women spent four days together in Sedona this weekend celebrating my friend Karen’s birthday.

There were two houses next door to each other, beautiful hikes, psychic readings, an adult and baby tarantula, and an elaborate birthday performance involving singing, dancing, poetry, accents and impersonations.

Some of these women can really perform.

I read song lyrics out loud poetry-slam style without knowing the song.

We all have different talents.

But underneath the ridiculousness, something else was happening all weekend.

We kept sharing our gifts.

Kristine published three books on her own, so I peppered her with questions.

Then somehow we started talking about how I could help sell her fundraising book and she could see ways to help sell mine.

Several women are dealing with parents with dementia.

I’m not experiencing that personally, but I suddenly realized I did have something useful to offer: Jill’s Unexpected Happiness interview about how to create a loving environment for those experiencing dementia.

Ashley told me she wanted just a tiny bit more structure in her life and was looking for a very small consulting project.

I have a 2–4 hour project related to my book.

Perfect!

Elizabeth told me she is trying to do more things that fill her up and showed me photos of the paper flowers she makes that bring beauty, peace and joy into her home.

I had never even considered making paper flowers.

Now I kind of want paper flowers.

Sasha and I spent time talking about something we absolutely did not solve: how to help people in other countries in a way that honors the residents while supporting the environment and wildlife, instead of swooping in with our American ideas about what’s best.

Sometimes what we had to give each other wasn’t an answer.

It was someone willing to wrestle with the question together.

Kristen, one of our introverts who would retire to her room from time to time to recharge, quietly came over at one point and said, “There’s a javelina outside the front door.”

So the two of us went to marvel at the beautiful creature snuffling around just feet away from us.

That little moment became one of my favorites.

The differences between us were huge.

Karen is a fierce advocate who will step straight into difficult social issues and conflict because she believes the fight matters.

I look at that and know I would wither from the negativity.

She looks at the people I interview, hears what they have survived and thinks she would be sad all day.

I’m the opposite.

Their stories energize me because I get to see what they did with what happened to them.

She brings the fight.

I bring the stories.

Neither of us needs to become the other.

And something else happened for me this weekend.

I barely made any decisions.

Other than reserving and driving one of the rental cars, I wasn’t responsible for much of anything.

It was glorious.

When I was young, my identity came from being useful, the one with the answer, the one who got things done.

This weekend, I was very happy just being one of 13.

At breakfast, Vanessa was running the kitchen. Her husband is a chef and she is a damn good cook herself.

This is very different from my parents, where my dad is a chef and my mom can boil water for tea and open a chocolate bar.

I asked Vanessa what she needed.

“Grate the cheese.”

Perfect.

Then: “Scramble the eggs.”

Done, but when I added spinach and it wouldn’t wilt like it was supposed to, I asked for help and she jumped in.

She had the vision. I could help to the best of my abilities.

Later, Sahara said, “I feel so sorry I didn’t help with breakfast.”

I said, “Don’t be sorry. Just be grateful.” Then I added, “We need to say sorry less and thank you more.”

The minute I said it, I realized I needed that too.

All weekend, we joked about Sedona’s famous vortexes.

On our first hike, someone asked whether there was a vortex on the trail.

None of us had any idea.

By the last morning, a few of us decided we had figured it out.

We are the vortex.

Maybe the energy wasn’t coming out of the ground.

Maybe it was 13 women passing ideas, encouragement, knowledge, questions, work, laughter and love back and forth.

Sometimes I had something to give.

Sometimes I received.

Sometimes I followed directions and grated cheese.

Sometimes I did absolutely nothing useful and watched a javelina with a new friend.

Maybe part of being less exhausted is realizing we were never supposed to do all of it.

We just need to bring what we have.

And when someone else shares what they have?

Maybe we don’t need to apologize.

Maybe we can just say:

Thank you.

With love,

Ariel