What do you really want?

Spencer grew up in a very different environment than most of us.

In his world, failure wasn’t shameful.

It was part of becoming successful.

His dad could come home and announce he lost $3 million that day… and instead of everyone panicking, the response was basically:
“What a gift.”

Can you imagine?

As strange as that sounds, it taught Spencer something most of us never learn:
failure isn’t permanent.
It’s information.

But even growing up with that mindset, Spencer still found himself trapped by expectations about who he was supposed to be and what success was supposed to look like.

And honestly, I think a lot of us are.

One of the most powerful moments in our conversation came when Spencer said the hardest question most people never really ask themselves is:
“What do I want?”

Not what your parents want.
Not what your religion, culture, social media feed, or peer group tells you to want.

What do you actually want?

He talked about how most of us are living under a giant “pile of shoulds.”

You should want the big career.
The impressive house.
The perfect body.
The nonstop productivity.
The bigger and bigger version of success.

And somewhere along the way, not many of us stop long enough to ask whether the life we’re chasing is even ours.

I was especially struck by the story of Spencer’s mom when she was 14 years old.

A pastor asked a youth group of 500 kids:

“Stand up if you love yourself.”

Only six people stood up.

Spencer’s mom was one of them.

Honestly?
At 14, there is absolutely no way I would have stood up for that question.
And if I’m being really honest… some days it would still be hard.

That conversation made me realize how deeply connected self-love and freedom really are.

Because if you don’t feel worthy of your own love, it’s incredibly hard to answer the question:
“What do I want?”
…honestly.

Spencer eventually got fired from what he thought was his dream job, and instead of rushing into the next thing, he spent months walking in the mountains and praying.

At first, his definition of success was making $20 million a year.

But after stripping away all the noise, he and his wife Katie got very clear about what they actually wanted for their family:

• enough money to live comfortably — $75,000 rather than $20 million

• really good insurance

• time to travel

• and work he loved

That was it.

Not bigger —actually much smaller.
Just clearer.

And just days later, an opportunity showed up that matched exactly what they had defined.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately.

This year, I only allowed myself three priorities.

That may not sound revolutionary to most people, but for someone who likes to say yes to everything, it honestly felt a little radical.

One of those priorities was having more adventures with Tom.
And as soon as we got clear about that, we stopped talking about it “someday” and started putting trips on the calendar.

And surprisingly, getting clear about what I want has made saying “no” much easier too.

Not forever.
Just for now.

Spencer even created a vision board with one tiny little “no” in the middle.

Honestly, I’m not ready for that level yet. 😄
But I understand now why it mattered.

Because every “yes” shapes your life.
And so does every “no.”

So maybe the real question is:
What do you actually want underneath all the noise, expectations, and “shoulds”?

And are you giving yourself enough love to answer honestly?

Tell me what you’re thinking about after reading this. I really do love hearing from you.

With love,
Ariel